Nurturing sibling play

Jul 16
5 min read

Updated: 6 hours ago

Key points:

Shared play can be challenging, but it doesn’t need to be perfect to be positive
Toy libraries provide families with endless opportunities for collaborative play and building strong sibling bonds
Cooperative activities and games can reduce competition and encourage teamwork

Download resource as PDF

Shared play looks different for every family

Families often find that choosing toys that their children enjoy playing with together can be more challenging than expected. Children naturally have different interests, personalities, and ways of playing. One child may seek active, energetic games while another enjoys quieter, sensory-based activities. Some siblings may need additional support with communication, coordination, or focus, while others are drawn to structured games and competition. Without the right setup and support, shared play can lead to frustration for both children and parents.

Challenges of shared play

Siblings naturally have different personalities, interests, and developmental skills. When children also have differing abilities or support needs, play can sometimes feel uneven.  Here are some common challenges that might be familiar in your house, and ways you can navigate them.

One child is dominating the game

Try this: Join the game and play alongside them. If you are the partner of the child who is dominating, you can model turn-taking and sharing ideas. Give each child a clear role so everyone knows how they can contribute.

You can also gently remind the child to make space for others by saying, "Remember to let everyone be part of the game. Do you need help talking through your role?" or "Let's hear everyone else's ideas too."

Toys being “too babyish” for one sibling but too difficult for another.

Try this: Consider coming up with a list of creative ways that the toys can be played with by using their imagination and storytelling. One sibling can take on a "designer" role - for example, building an obstacle course while the other child drives cars through it, or creating a story while another child acts it out with their own toys.

You could add additional rules for one sibling to attempt as an extra challenge. Most importantly, remind them: “It’s okay for us to like different toys. There isn't a right or wrong choice - we all get to enjoy different kinds of play."

Competitive games leading to meltdowns or arguments

Try this: Recognise when the game is no longer fun and help them to find a solution, or step away before the conflict escalates. You might say, “This game is bringing up big feelings. Let’s pause and take a break. We can play it again another time.”

You could also join the game yourself and allow siblings to be on a team together playing against you to reunite them with a shared goal.

Remember

Shared play does not need to look perfectly balanced all the time. Sometimes 'positive play’ simply means both children are playing in the same space, interacting in ways that feel safe and enjoyable for each of them.

Utilising toy libraries

Toy libraries are full of toys and resources that work across ages and abilities. Generally, a toy library membership allows families to borrow anywhere from two to eight toys, for several weeks at a time.

If you are borrowing for more than one child, consider giving each child the opportunity to choose one or two toys, and then as a family choose a toy, game or puzzle that you can play with together.

Some of the most popular toy library family favourites that can support interactive and collaborative play across multiple ages and abilities include:

Magnetic construction sets that allow younger children to create simple shapes while older children design more complex structures
Wooden train sets that support imaginative play, storytelling, building, and problem-solving
Sensory play kits that can be explored through touch, sorting, counting, imaginative play, or creative construction
Large building blocks that encourage active, collaborative play and can be adapted for different developmental levels
Pretend play resources such as kitchens, shops, and dress-ups that invite children to participate in role playing

Reducing competition and frustration

Competitive games can sometimes highlight differences in ability, leading to frustration or conflict. While it's important for children to experience frustration and learn to navigate conflict within supportive family relationships, sometimes it's okay to lower the pressure for everyone's sanity.

In your family, competitive games might work best at certain times, such as when you have the energy to support big emotions, or when there aren’t any other distractions or plans that could rush the play process.

Consider borrowing toys and activities that encourage teamwork, creativity, or shared problem-solving rather than winning and losing. Building a fort, creating a marble run, putting on a puppet show, or completing a collaborative construction project allows siblings to work together toward a common goal and that have a role for everyone.

Board games for the whole family

Playing board games is an excellent way to develop skills such as critical thinking, patience, turn taking, deductive reasoning and hand-eye coordination. They encourage creativity and language development. If you’re looking for board games that focus more on teamwork, and less on competitive winning and losing, look at cooperative board games. This style of board game allows for siblings (and grown-ups!) to play together, help each other, as a team - and any wins or losses are experienced together.

If the rules of the game don’t quite match up with the needs and abilities of your children, consider adapting them and creating “Family Rules.” This might look like extending time limits (or eliminating them altogether), assigning ‘helper roles’ to older siblings who can help with reading or writing scores, or making up silly versions of the instructions. Take a few moments before you introduce the game to read the gameplay instructions and decide if you need to adapt them. If you do, introduce this using a simple explainer such as, “I had a look over the rules. For us to all play the game together, I’ve come up with our own family rules that suit us!”

Below are some recommendations for cooperative board games that many toy libraries have on their shelves.

Games for ages 3+

Hoot Owl Hoot!

Count Your Chickens!

Games for ages 4+

Outfoxed

The Fairy Game

Concept Kids: Animals

Games for ages 5+

Race to the Treasure!

Magic Maze Kids

Games for ages 6+

Gnomes at Night

Wizardry to the Power of Three

Games for ages 8+

Cat Crimes

Zombie Kidz Evolution

5 Minute Dungeon

Ghost Fightin’ Treasure Hunters

Games for ages 10+

Forbidden Island

Codenames: Duet

Praise the positive play

Receiving praise nurtures our confidence and sense of self-worth. Next time your children are playing together, look for moments to acknowledge when they are “playing well” and acknowledge them for it to guide future behaviours. This might look like:

“You both worked together to build that cubby house! Great teamwork.”

“That was kind of you, letting your brother have extra time to take his turn.”

“You used a calm voice and kind words even when you felt upset at your sister. That takes great strength and patience.”

Siblings aren’t always going to get along, but by modelling the type of language and negotiation skills they need to navigate disagreements, you are providing them with the tools and safe environments to learn how to get along with others and resolve conflicts in a productive way.